I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
