He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
