the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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