Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
