My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
