I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
