why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
