Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
