fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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