ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize