we made out on top of his cat.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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