just tell him i said nine months
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
