I murdered the dance floor call the cops
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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