we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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