Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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