idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
