would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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