I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
