i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
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