So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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