sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
