he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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