I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
