fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
