Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
