Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Randomize
