its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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