i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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