what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
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