Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
