Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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