I am in a vortex of obligation.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
you didnt know i had herpes?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
