piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
