I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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