from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
