I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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