My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
