I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
