she woke up with a sticky ear
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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