Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
