I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
