I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
