My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
