We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Randomize
