the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
