Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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