Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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