we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
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