last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
