Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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